The Hand of the Lord

As most of you know Patrick and I have recently found out some hard news. We were expecting a child in May, but it turns out that the fetus stopped growing at six weeks. Although 25 percent of all pregnancies end in miscarriage, no expecting mother or father ever really wants to accept that their pregnancy could end up as part of that statistic.
I have felt torn with the desire to be a mother and my knowledge that it is all for the best both biologically and spiritually. Biologically, I know that the fetus was not a normal or healthy fetus; it probably lacked the correct number of chromosomes that we, as humans, need to live. I also know that a miscarriage doesn't prevent a person from having perfectly normal and healthy pregnancies in the future. Spiritually, I know that Heavenly Father is aware of me and my needs, that he knows what is best for me and any future children he may choose to send to Patrick and me. I know that His Son suffered for me and understands my pain and that he will comfort me the way I need to be comforted if I let him.
I have felt very comforted. My eyes have been truly open to the blessings that I have in my life. I am grateful to be able to see the Lord's hand in my life these past few days and I thought I would share a few even though I won't be able to name them all.

First, I have a wonderful and caring husband who worries about me and makes sure I take care of myself and do things like go to the hospital when needed.

Second, I am grateful that my sister Leta was in town this past weekend and although I wasn't able to play with her like I had hoped, her presence was a great comfort.

Third, Patrick and I have been blessed by caring and loving parents who are always there when needed.

Fourth, I am grateful for the teaching fellow (like a student teacher) in my room who was able to provide consistency for my students the last couple of days and relieve some of my school stress.

Fifith, I am grateful for Nurse Anna who took my hand, led me into a room, and gave me a hug just when I needed it.

Sixth, I don't know what I would do without good friends who have visited, made dinner, called, e-mailed, sent flowers, gave a blessing, and said prayers for us. It seems that I have always been blessed to be surrounded by good people and good friends.

I know that I have not mentioned everyone or every moment that has blessed our lives these past few days but I want every one to know that Patrick and I are grateful for you and all you have done for us. We love you all.

When the Cat's Away...

... the mice are lonely!

Since marrying the most amazing woman in the world, there are a few things I've learned. First, nothing that used to be mine is truly mine. This applies to my sweatshirts, t-shirts, pajama bottoms, hairbrush, and toothbrush. The "sharing" of personal items isn't a two way road, either. I can't use Julie's sweatshirts (too small), t-shirts (too tight), pajama bottoms (too pink and too short), hairbrush (she threw it away and now uses mine), or toothbrush (that's disgusting). Additionally, when the wife is gone I tend to revert to my days as a single student at BYU. This means that I spend the majority of my free time (which, thanks to attendance at a Jewish school, means a four day weekend right now) chugging Coke, playing video games, surviving on chips and salsa, avoiding the cleaning that really needs to be done, and generally doing things that would earn me a stern "Patrick Lloyd" if she were here. Finally, I have learned that I really miss her when she is gone. It's just not that much fun to laugh at your own jokes, eat junk food by yourself, watch TV alone, or misbehave if you're not going to get caught. In short, the times when Julie is away visiting her family (she is currently on her way to Salt Lake City to see her sister Laura before she enters the MTC) remind me that I was really happy when I married her and I don't enjoy being alone! I can't wait until she comes back home.