The Un-Comedian

As I was attempting to concoct a suitable topic for my newly established weekly blog, my amazing wife made a comment that gave me pause. To recreate the exact situation that I found myself in, I will quote the exchange which occured only a few minutes ago:

Julie: Have you done your blog yet?
Me: No. I need a good subject. I need a late-night rambling.
Julie: I'm not sure I like late-night ramblings.
Me: Why? Did you hate my last blog?
Julie: No.
Me: Then what's the matter?
Julie: You're not funny. It's not that great of a blog.

I am now faced with a rather disturbing accusation; I am an unfunny nerd (in retrospect, this may explain my lack of readership). Even my wife, who loves me to distraction and protects my fragile ego from earth shattering blows, finds me unfunny enough to mention it to my face. I, however, am not ready to accept this as gospel truth. I sometimes make people laugh and have been known to write a witty story from time to time. I am, therefore, going to put it to a vote. Am I funny, or am I writing jokes and stories that I am the only one laughing at? It is for you to decide. Give me your vote (on the side of the blog) and let me know!

It is Christmas already!

Today is December 22 and I am sitting here waiting for Patrick to finish spinning new born urine (he has volunteered to help in a clinical research) at the hospital. I have come to the realization that Christmas is only 3 days away and I have not done any shopping, nor have I done any baking, nor have I crocheted or made a single thing. I kept thinking I will do it next weekend. Well I put it off and now if I send anything out for Christmas it will arrive well after the Christmas season. Getting Christmas presents done is often a struggle for me. I am notorious for giving unfinished Christmas gifts. My beautiful sisters may recall many gifts of material and patterns where I ran out of time to finish and sometimes even start my well laid out plans for their gifts. I have stopped trying to make gifts as often, all though I am usually able to get atleast a blanket done, or maybe a stocking or two, or sometimes a doilly or two done for christmas. But this year "nada"!! I haven't even managed to make or even buy my loving husband anything yet. I am feeling mighty terrible about this. I do have today and a little bit of time on Monday, when we fly into California. I wish I was already done and just worrying about wrapping and listening to christmas music, relaxing in a clean apartment on this cold Saturday...but that is just a wish... maybe next year! Off to fight the last minute crowds I go!!

Realizations

Once again, I find myself posting to our blog after a long dry spell. It seems that these dry spells are more common of late. We have good reasons; Julie works long hours teaching and I study. There is always room for improvement, however, and I am determined to make some progress in the blogging world. From now on, we will post at least once a week! "How?", you ask. "Your lives are only going to get busier. Julie is now Relief Society President and you, Pat, are starting the really difficult part of the first year of medical school. How are you going to find the time to write something about your life once a week?" My answer to this is really quite simple; late night ramblings (much like this one). They won't make much sense, but they don't have to. As a matter of fact, late night rants and raves are often the most entertaining blogs on the web. So, my one or two dedicated readers, from now on you will be able to read a new blog from Julie and me at least once a week. I only ask that you keep in mind that most of them will be written after I have spent several hours with my head buried in a medical text!

Now, to get to the title of this blog. I realized today that I am a nerd. This may not be news to the world at large, but it is to me. I've always felt that I was studious and rather bright. However, I also felt that I was in touch with what my generation considers fun and cool. I then had two experiences today that have radically changed my assessment. The first came when I read an email from my Clinical and Developmental Anatomy professor to the class at large. He was explaining to us his policy for reviewing the exam one-on-one with him when we return from the break. One of his comments was the following:

"I appreciate that many of you who PASSED may feel you need to see me individually regarding any number of things: your score, how to do better, your score, what happened on the practical, why you thought the esophageal hiatus was the internal anal sphincter, etc. I also know you will understand that my first priority when we come back must be to meet with those students who failed."

I don't know about you, but I found this HILARIOUS! I laughed for at least five minutes. I mean, the whole part about confusing the internal anal sphincter with the esophageal hiatus had me rolling. Who would confuse those two? They're at opposite ends of the body! I was about to call someone (Phil, actually) when I stopped and realized that he probably wouldn't laugh, at least intially. I even imagined how the converation would proceed:

Phil: Hello?
Me: Dude, what's up?
Phil: Do you know what time it is?
Me: Of course. It's like 8:00.
Phil: I'm three hours behind you, dumba**! It's five in the morning here!
Pat: Oops. Sorry. Hey, I have something funny I wanted to tell 'ya.
(I then relate the above story and quote)
Pat: Isn't that hilarious?
Phil: &#$%@@! (Hangs up)

Maybe I'm exaggerating Phil's reaction (he would probably only swear once), and I'm glad I didn't call at 8:00 when I read the email. However, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have thought the email was as funny as I did. The silence after I told the joke would have been funny, though. Unfortunately, I am now one of those people that laugh at obscure jokes about random scientific facts. To quote a blog I frequent, "Oy Vey!"

The second incident occured later in the morning. I took the Bx21 bus to the Morris Park Branch of the New York City Public Library. I wanted to get a book to peruse during the break, something that had nothing to do with medical school and would allow me to relax for a few days. I left the library, book in hand, excited to get back to the apartment and start reading. What was my choice, you ask? "Napoleon: A Biography" by Frank McLynn (it is really good so far, and I'm only 50 pages into it). That's right! For relaxation I chose a 668 page biography of Napoleon Bonaparte. Once again, Oy Vey!

So there it is. I no longer live in the delusion that I am cool. I'm not. I'm a nerd and a geek. I enjoy discussing the finer points of evolution with anyone who will listen and, in the next breath, will launch into a speech about why Abraham Lincoln was, hands down, the best President the United States has ever had. I can't help it. It's who I am. It's who I will always be. Now if you'll excuse me; there's a story about Napoleon that is begging to be read!

Honey I'm Home!

During the week I am blessed to be able to sleep in until about 6:20. Now I should get up earlier than this but I have mastered the 30-45 minute morning routine. I am out the door by 6:50-7:00. I then usually stand at the end of the bed and quietly say Pat a couple of times to get a good bye kiss which is follow by Pat falling back on the pillow and me walking out the door. Pat and I are on totally opposite schedules these days. He is up late and I am up early. Today I came home to find I was locked out...No I didn't leave or lost my keys somewhere... Pat had locked the chain lock. Now this is not the first time I had to stand outside my door and say Pat, Pat until he wakes up to undo the chain, but this time he went right back to bed. I leave my husband sleeping and come home to him sleeping, HMMM. I know I shouldn't and I do remember my father telling me "what goes around comes around", but Pat slept for a little too long and now I can't help myself. I was kind and didn't get too close to his face.

I know he has classes all day and that is mentally draining. I guess, I don't have much sympathy because I have classes all day too...classes with 100 pre-teenagers yelling and screaming through out the day. Maybe I should to be more sympathetic. I'll try again tomorrow. Have a good nap honey!

Macy's Thanksgiving Parade

My family has a tradition of getting up early and running a 5-10K every Thanksgiving. I love this tradition and I was going to find a race to join here in NYC, but instead we decided to go see the Macy's parade. My friend Crystal and her husband Joel and their baby Robert stayed the night at our apartment the night before and we all got up early on Thanksgiving to go watch the parade. It was amazing! The balloons were huge! We watched the parade until about 11:30 to try and beat the traffic. Crystal made the Turkey, stuffing, rolls and a pumpkin pie . I made an apple pie (displayed above), Yummy potatoes, Yams, and a Veggie platter, and Pat made a delicious cranberry chutney. It was a wonderful day

Pat and Julie on Julie's 29th Birthday

My mom pointed out that we were missing a picture of us on my birthday. She said that although the salad looked amazing she wanted to see pictures of her kids. Plus I also had my hair chopped off that day. It was almost to my gluteus maximus. It is quite a change. I still need to mail it into Locks For Love, but it is ready to go. So, Mom, this picture is for you. Oh, and yes, Patrick is growing a full beard. Maybe it is to help keep him warm during the New York winter. Who knows; he is always trying something new with his facial hair.

Fine New York Dining

Last Saturday was Julie's birthday. In order to properly celebrate her twenty-ninth birthday and to make up for last year when I was in Mexico during her special day, I decided to pull out all the stops and take her to Les Miserables on Broadway, followed by dinner at a really good restaurant. I had the tickets and the reservation.

Unfortunately, the Broadway stagehands had other ideas. One week before our planned show, they went on strike. Needless to say, they are not our favorite people at this time.

Thankfully, though, no one was striking in the restaurant business. We ate at the Gotham Bar and Grill. To be honest, I don't think that I have a refined enough palate to say anything other than the food was amazing! As an example, I ordered a seafood salad for the second course (there were three). It was delectable and the presentation was first rate as well.

I highly recommend it for those with a taste for the finer things in life and a flexible budget. Overall I think Julie enjoyed her birthday, despite the worker sabotage. I don't think my budget can stand another such birthday, but it was well worth doing at least once. I am open to suggestions for future celebrations; what ideas do you have?

The Metropolitan Museum of Art and....the codpiece!

Yesterday, Julie and I took the train into Manhattan to visit with my ex-roommate Morgan Williams and his wife Keara. They were in New York for job training and interviews. We met for breakfast and then meandered over to the Metropolitan Museum of Art for a quick sampling of the displays. I was particularly impressed by the Egyptian artifacts and art. In true New York fashion, they even had an entire Egyptian temple on display. Apparently, it was disassembled in Egypt and transported to New York, stone by stone. Although its presence is slightly disturbing (I mean, honestly, how does Egypt feel about this?), it was fun to stand next to it and feel like Julie and I were touring the desert west of Cairo. We even noticed some early 19th century graffitti carved into the stones of the temple. Apparently, people are the same today as they were two hundred years ago!





We also took the opportunity to view some authentic armor from the middle ages. Here is a picture of one that caught my interest.

Overall, this armor looks like a standard set of mid-16th century armor. However, if you look more closely at the middle of the picture, you will notice a piece of the outfit that protrudes in a rather interesting way. After some research, I discovered that this part of the armor is known as a "codpiece". As we all know, men in the middle ages wore tights as part of their daily garb. What I didn't know was that these tights were similar to modern chaps; they only covered the legs, leaving the rest of the lower body free and clear! This wasn't a problem for most of medieval history since the tunic extended well below the waist and provided the wearer with the required modesty. However, in the mid-16th century tunics became very short and, in order to maintain modesty, men began to wear the codpiece. Obviously, there were many styles of codpieces and the size was often dependent on how powerful the wearer wished to appear. Anyway, the armor of the mid-1500s mirrored the fashion of the royal courts and we now have this example of Emporer Ferdinand I's armor with a rather large, yet plain codpiece.

This is why I love New York. I learn new things every day!

The Hand of the Lord

As most of you know Patrick and I have recently found out some hard news. We were expecting a child in May, but it turns out that the fetus stopped growing at six weeks. Although 25 percent of all pregnancies end in miscarriage, no expecting mother or father ever really wants to accept that their pregnancy could end up as part of that statistic.
I have felt torn with the desire to be a mother and my knowledge that it is all for the best both biologically and spiritually. Biologically, I know that the fetus was not a normal or healthy fetus; it probably lacked the correct number of chromosomes that we, as humans, need to live. I also know that a miscarriage doesn't prevent a person from having perfectly normal and healthy pregnancies in the future. Spiritually, I know that Heavenly Father is aware of me and my needs, that he knows what is best for me and any future children he may choose to send to Patrick and me. I know that His Son suffered for me and understands my pain and that he will comfort me the way I need to be comforted if I let him.
I have felt very comforted. My eyes have been truly open to the blessings that I have in my life. I am grateful to be able to see the Lord's hand in my life these past few days and I thought I would share a few even though I won't be able to name them all.

First, I have a wonderful and caring husband who worries about me and makes sure I take care of myself and do things like go to the hospital when needed.

Second, I am grateful that my sister Leta was in town this past weekend and although I wasn't able to play with her like I had hoped, her presence was a great comfort.

Third, Patrick and I have been blessed by caring and loving parents who are always there when needed.

Fourth, I am grateful for the teaching fellow (like a student teacher) in my room who was able to provide consistency for my students the last couple of days and relieve some of my school stress.

Fifith, I am grateful for Nurse Anna who took my hand, led me into a room, and gave me a hug just when I needed it.

Sixth, I don't know what I would do without good friends who have visited, made dinner, called, e-mailed, sent flowers, gave a blessing, and said prayers for us. It seems that I have always been blessed to be surrounded by good people and good friends.

I know that I have not mentioned everyone or every moment that has blessed our lives these past few days but I want every one to know that Patrick and I are grateful for you and all you have done for us. We love you all.

When the Cat's Away...

... the mice are lonely!

Since marrying the most amazing woman in the world, there are a few things I've learned. First, nothing that used to be mine is truly mine. This applies to my sweatshirts, t-shirts, pajama bottoms, hairbrush, and toothbrush. The "sharing" of personal items isn't a two way road, either. I can't use Julie's sweatshirts (too small), t-shirts (too tight), pajama bottoms (too pink and too short), hairbrush (she threw it away and now uses mine), or toothbrush (that's disgusting). Additionally, when the wife is gone I tend to revert to my days as a single student at BYU. This means that I spend the majority of my free time (which, thanks to attendance at a Jewish school, means a four day weekend right now) chugging Coke, playing video games, surviving on chips and salsa, avoiding the cleaning that really needs to be done, and generally doing things that would earn me a stern "Patrick Lloyd" if she were here. Finally, I have learned that I really miss her when she is gone. It's just not that much fun to laugh at your own jokes, eat junk food by yourself, watch TV alone, or misbehave if you're not going to get caught. In short, the times when Julie is away visiting her family (she is currently on her way to Salt Lake City to see her sister Laura before she enters the MTC) remind me that I was really happy when I married her and I don't enjoy being alone! I can't wait until she comes back home.

View from my Window

It used to be the when I looked out my window there was a beautiful mountain.

Now when I look out my window the view, though beautiful in it's own way, is quite different.

NYC!

Just thought that I would post some more pics of us in NYC. Julie and I took these while we were visiting with our friend Crystal and her family. New York is such an amazing city; there is always something to do. Seriously, people. You have to come and visit!

Something In The Water!

Shortly after arriving here in the Bronx the bottled water that Patrick had bought earlier ran out. Now because Patrick had his Coke, he saw no need to travel to the local supermarket (PathMark) to buy more bottled water. I, on the other hand, felt that water is a basic necessity so I began drinking from the faucet. After all, it was free and we're supposed to be trying to save money during medical school. Patrick looked at me like I was crazy and said that he would watch me for a week or so and see if I exhibited any ill effects before he would drink from the tap. For about the first week I was fine, but then I started to feel a little ill. After exhibiting fatigue and a general malaise for about two weeks, Patrick and I decided that I should get tested to see what exactly was afflicting me. Sure enough I have contracted a parasite. While we have yet to see a physician concerning the matter, we are both pretty sure that we will feel the effects of this parasite for the rest of our lives. Our research indicates that the pathogen will be expelled from my body in several months, however, so there is no cause for alarm. Below are the results of the test.

Since Patrick finally began drinking water from the faucet several days ago, he is now absolutely terrified that he will contract this same parasite! Personally, I think he will be just fine ;)

Julie's First New York Adventures

Patrick has been really good about posting his New York adventures I have not been so good. I thought I would share some of my first experiences. I came out a week before Patrick moved our stuff out to find a teaching position. My friend Crystal who lives in New Jersey was kind enough to let me stay with her for a week even though she had two other guests staying with her. It was a party with Crystal, her husband Joel,their baby Robert, Joel's cousin Edward, Crystal's friend Nicole and me in their one bedroom apartment. Luckily we are all good friends and enjoyed catching up and making new memories.

The next day I had a teachers fair to go to in the Bronx so Crystal, Robert, Nicole, another women with her kids and myself caught the train in New Jersey to New York City. Once at Penn station I got in line for a taxi and everyone else went to explore the city. I got in the cab and told the taxi driver where I wanted to go, which was in Throggs Neck area in the Bronx. He told me that he didn't know where that was so he pulled over to "look at the map"and then told me he could not guarantee that he could get me there. I asked if he could call someone for directions. He said "no." So I asked if I could see his map and he said that I would not be able to read it. He finally let me out and I had to call down another taxi who also told me he could not take me there. By the third taxi I was quite frustrated. So I got in, told him where I wanted to go and that if he could get me close I would figure the rest out. He did let me see the map and I was able to find where it was I wanted to go. I told him that I had already been through two other taxi's who were not willing to take me. He said that most drivers do not want to drive all the way to the Bronx. Anyway I called Patrick who looked the directions up on Mapquest. I then read them to the driver. After all that, the taxi driveer explained that he had been a taxi driver for years and didn't know all of New York. He was trying to explain to me why no one wanted to take me. Then he said that he liked my style. We had a good conversation the rest of the way.

Once at the teachers fair I signed in and sat in a room where they explained what was going to happen and how to make the most of it. They said it would be a lot like speed dating.....which it was!! We were then led to another room lined with tables with representatives of all the schools hiring in the Bronx. It was hot and crazy. I set a goal to at least mark five follow up interviews or demo lessons. I wandered the room looking for schools with science positions posted. I finally sat down at one and started the "speed dating process". We marked to meet another day. I then pushed through the crowds to another school's table and then another. I ended up with two follow up interviews and two demo lessons marked. But it was so hot and I had good feeling about the two demo lessons marked that I decided that four was good enough.

I asked were the nearest bus stop was and headed in that direction. I did get turned around once but asked another woman on the street were Tremont St was. I got to a bus stop. I did go into a tile store to make sure I was on the correct side of the street to catch the bus to the subway. I got on the bus and tried to hand the bus driver two one dollar bills and asked if this bus would take me to the subway. I received a dirty look as he asked if I had a metro card. I didn't so he told me to just buy one at the subway station. I sat down not quite sure where my stop was. I asked a woman with two children who sat next to me. She was nice and told me that it was big and that I wouldn't miss it. We got to talking and I told her that I was looking for a teaching position. She told me how terrible the schools were and that she was moving to Florida soon. She also told me that I looked like a nice person and gave me a few pointers like not to smile or talk to people on the bus or subway, to keep my eyes down. Although she had a less optimistic view about the area then I wanted to hear I did appreciate her help and conversation. I caught the subway back to Penn station.

Once at Penn station I found where to buy the train tickets and asked for a ticket to Murray Hill, New Jersey. The lady took my money and gave me the ticket. When I asked where to go she sent me to the information booth. I asked where to catch the train to Murray Hill, New Jersey. The guy said "New Jersey? Murray Hill is in Queens." I said no I wanted to go to Murray Hill, New Jersey near the Summit station. Then he said almost yelling...."Why in the hell did you buy a ticket to Murray Hill, Queens." Anyway I found out that I was not on the New Jersey side of the station so I got to the correct place and bought a ticket to Murray Hill, New Jersey. I only had about 15 minutes before the train left so I ran back over to the Long Island side and did the runaround to get my money back for the ticket to Murray Hill, Queens. Which took me right back to the Lady who sold me the ticket, who was nice and apologized for the mistake. Then I ran back and heard that the 7:20 train was about to leave I quickly looked at the screen and did not see another 7:20 train (the name on my ticket and the name on the schedule were different) so I ran and jumped through the doors not even knowing if I was on the right train.

When the conductor came by I asked him...I was on the right train! I just needed to get off at the next station for a transfer. On my ticket there was a list of initials of all the stations I needed to get off and make a transfer at. Only two of which I could figure out what they stood for. I spent the next couple of hours hopping on and off trains and talking to conductors and other people hoping I was on the right path. I finally ended up at the Summit station, but the next train to Murray Hill was still an hour and a half wait. I called Crystal who was at a young women's activity and would not be able to pick me up, but then a mother at the activity offered to pick me up and take me to Crystal's. I was exhausted but at the same time I felt a sense of accomplishment. I had successfully got to Throgg's Neck, Bronx and back to New Jersey on my own. I also felt like I understood the New York transportation system a little better. This is what I learned:

1. Once you are in a cab and shut the door the cab driver must take you where ever you ask to go in New York, but it helps if you already have directions to where you want to go if it is out of Manhattan.

2. Don't be afraid to ask for directions, most people were nice enough to give me their help and advice even if it is in a manner a bit harsher then I was used to.

3. Make sure that you are carrying exact change for the buses; they only accept metro cards and two dollars in change. The DO NOT accept dollar bills.

4. Make sure you are on the correct side of the train station before you buy your ticket.

5. Once you buy the correct ticket, if there are transfers, do not leave until you have written down or understand which stations to transfer at and which trains to catch.

Crystal was kind enough to take me around the next two days so at least I wasn't alone in the city. I was offered two positions and decided to take the position at Albert Einstein Jr. High. I ran into some problems with my certificate not being accepted because I only taught one year in Utah, but I have found many helpful people to guide me through the process of getting my New York certificate as quickly as possible. I only have to take three four hour tests, and a 6 credit literacy in the classroom class online. Not much, but it will take me until the end of the year to complete it all. Howver, I will get to teach in the position I was hired for. I will start some time after Labor day.

If you made it to the end of this blog, I congratulate you! While this blog was quite long, it was an eventful trip. The next entry will be shorter and will have some pictures of Patrick and me enjoying New York.

Go East, Young Man (Day Six)!

Although it has been almost two weeks since the Scarborough Bronx Expedition arrived at our final destination, I thought that I would provide an account of the last day of our journey. We awoke at 3:00 a.m. on August 1, loaded the truck, and were on the road by 4:00. The drive into New York City was actually quite uneventful. That early in the morning, even New Yorkers are less active than usual. The drive across the George Washington Bridge into Manhattan was pretty exciting, however. It marked the final leg of the journey and our entrance into New York. We arrived at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine (AECOM) at 6:00 a.m. and began the laborious process of unloading the Penske and moving everything upstairs into Julie and my new home. The security guards at the building were extremely helpful; they let us unload behind the building and bring everything in through the basement. It saved alot of time and effort. I also enlisted the help of two fellow BYU alum in the process. We were done by 10:30. This is what the apartment looked like immediately after we finished; I did manage to clean it up a bit by the time Julie arrived!





Dad and I then embarked on a series of adventures in New York over the next week. We went to City Hall and walked across the Brooklyn Bridge, visited New Jersey in search of family gravesites, and observed New York City from the top of the Empire State Building. We had a great time and I look forward to many more visits from family and friends.



The final five things I learned from our trip are:

1. Despite the fact that he's known me for over thirty years, my father still calls me "Phil" at least once a day.

2. The Mormon connection is worth its weight in gold; you can always count on instant friends once you arrive at a new location.

3. Julie and I have way too much stuff!

4. Even though I've traveled quite a bit during my life, I still feel like a hick in New York City.

5. Even though he's almost sixty-two years old, my Dad is still fun to hang out with.

Well, the move is over (although we're still trying to find a place for all of our stuff). Julie and I are back together again and we're looking forward to four years in the most exciting city in the world! We expect lots of visitors, so start making plans; an exciting trip to the Bronx awaits!

Go East, Young Man (Days Four and Five)!

Day Four began with the Scarborough "Bronx" Expedition taking a badly needed rest. We went to visit Dad's cousin, Jean Keller. She prepared an amazing breakfast of biscuits and gravy for us and then we talked with her until about noon. We hopped in the Penske and commenced our journey again. The day was a light driving day; we only traveled about 250 miles. There actually isn't much to report. Dad and I split the driving evenly and we arrived at our hotel in Dubois, Pennsylvania early. We had a great dinner and went to bed, preparing for an exhausting 200 mile drive the next day ;)

The Penske Truck count dropped off rather drastically today. Apparently, people move over the weekend. We only saw 13 Penske Trucks, 9 U-Haul Trucks, and 3 Budget Trucks. Here are the top five things learned during the drive:

1. Apparently, July is turtle mating season.

2. Penske trucks have excellent brakes and Dad, believe it or not, still has a decent reaction time.

3. The scenery in the Eastern United States makes the West look like a desert . . . wait a minute! It is a desert!

4. After traveling with someone for 2,000 miles, you do eventually run out of things to talk about.

5. Nothing says I love you quite like a small, inexpensive, memorial pin from each state driven through.

Day Five began at the excruciatingly early hour of 8:00 a.m. We hurried as fast as we possibly could and managed to hit the road at the crack-of-dawn; 10:00 a.m. We then drove for an interminable 4 hours, traveling a mind boggling 210 miles. We then stopped in Stroudsburg, Pennsylvania and rested for the final 81 mile push into the Bronx! Dad and I are excited, although the impending unloading of the truck is a dark cloud that casts its shadow over our sunny mood. Regardless, the journey will soon be over. The Penske Truck count was even lower today. We saw 7 Penske Trucks, 4 U-haul Trucks, and 3 Budget Trucks. Here are the top five things learned today:

1. You never get used to the smell of turtle crap.

2. The Appalachian Mountains, while beautiful, aren't really that big.

3. Growing a chin beard is an itchy, scratchy experience (this one is courtesy of Dad).

4. Pennsylvania drivers are really quite nice, particularly when compared to Utah drivers.

5. After taking five days to travel across the country we have come to the realization that our nation is freaking huge!

We plan on leaving tomorrow at 4:00 a.m. in order to punch into New York. Stay tuned for the final updates.

Go East, Young Man (Days Two and Three)!

The continuation of our journey saw us awake at the relatively late hour of 8:00 a.m. and ready to depart at around 9:00. We left Rawlins, Wyoming amid sunny skies and dispositions, eagerly anticipating a pleasant, if somewhat boring, drive across the plains. By Grand Island, Nebraska, however, dark clouds had gathered, both in the skies and in our souls; the weather had taken a turn for the worse and the rocking of the truck was rather severe at every bump. We still had not figured out the problem at this point. By the time we arrived in eastern Nebraska, however, the skies had cleared and both Dad, the turtles, Leo, and I were feeling better. We intended to spend the night in Council Bluffs, Iowa. There were no rooms available, though, and we were forced to drive to Des Moines, Iowa. We arrived there at about 1:00 a.m. and immediately went to sleep, hopeful that the next day would prove better. We did learn several new items of information. Here are the top five lessons learned on Day Two:

1. My damn father has to have his damn breakfast!

2. Turtles do not enjoy riding in a shaking Penske truck cab . . . at all.

3. When annoyed, turtles crap everywhere . . . a lot!

4. Ball pythons apparently have no problem with cross country moves.

5. Moving trucks must have weight distributed evenly or else they will violently rock back and forth at the slightest bump in the road.

The moving truck count has produced some rather remarkable information as well. Despite my previous claim that the ratio of Penske trucks to non-Penske trucks had to be at least 3 to 1, it is apparent that it is closer to 1 to 1. We saw 53 Penske trucks, 34 U-Haul trucks, and 18 Budget trucks, for a total of 105 moving vans.

Our third day began with Dad and I partially unloading the truck and redistributing the weight more evenly. The results were immediate and amazing. No longer did we rock back and forth violently at high speed. Needless to say, Dad and I were extremely relieved that the prospect of prematurely ending our journey with the truck on its side in the middle of the freeway was over. Other than that, the trip was rather uneventful. There's just only so much one can say about Iowa, Illinois, Indiana, and Ohio. We did drive by Notre Dame, with Dad fondly waving from the truck. We stopped for the night in Marion, Ohio, and will visit with some relatives tomorrow morning. The critters are still rather irate, but they seem to be doing fine otherwise.
The top five lessons from Day Three are:

1. Turtle crap stinks.

2. Marion, Ohio is in the middle of nowhere.

3. No matter how fast we try to drive, we can only average about fifty miles per hour in our Penske truck.

4. Semi-truck drivers are the self declared kings of the road. They do what they want and no one can stop them. I really want to drive a semi!

5. Trying to locate natural rocks from each state for a collection is really quite difficult when one can only look near the Interstate. Everything there is gravel.

The moving truck count produced results similar to yesterday. Penske had 69 trucks on the road, U-Haul had 50, and Budget had 16. Once again, Penske received more than half of all moving trucks observed. Stay tuned for more exciting news from the Scarborough "Bronx" Expedition.

Go East, Young Man (Day One)!

This morning at the eye-blurring hour of 5:30 a.m. Julie and my exodus to the Bronx entered its final stage. At that time, my father and I loaded a rented SUV with baggage, soda, and four reptiles and left for Provo to begin the process of moving a family across the country. Arriving in Salt Lake City at approximately 8:30 a.m., we enlisted the help of my brother Daniel. The three of us then picked up the 16-foot Penske truck that I had reserved and convoyed over to the storage unit. The fun was about to begin.

The loading of the truck went remarkably well. I organized the packing inside the truck, while Dad and Dan brought boxes to me. We were done in a mere hour-and-a-half. We then transferred the pet snake and three pet turtles to their carrying cases, Dad took Dan back to Salt Lake City, and I traveled into Utah's nether regions to drop off my SKS rifle with my cousin Scott (honestly, Scott; you live in the boonies). Apparently, the rifle I have proudly owned for the past 12 years is illegal in New York; although I would most likely never even fire the gun, in order to avoid any annoying legal entanglements, I opted to leave it behind. After delivering the rifle, I returned the rental vehicle, joined Dad, picked up a couple of loaned textbooks, and, at 2:30 p.m. the journey began. It has been educational, to say the least. Here are the top five things I have learned so far:

1. There are an inordinate number of people moving in Penske trucks. I will start an official count tomorrow, but the ratio of Penske trucks to non-Penske trucks has to be at least 3 to 1.

2. When you are driving a slow cargo truck, other drivers tend to communicate their feelings by using sign language; it generally involves fist shaking and emphatic pointing with the middle finger.

3. The kitchen staff at the Little America restaurant in Wyoming apparently have
no concept of time as modern society understands it.

4. A loaded 16-foot Penske truck tends to rock from side to side if the driver hits bumps in the road at high speed. Needless to say this is disconcerting. Additionally, large bumps at more than 70 miles-per-hour cause the truck to launch into the air for a short distance; tired drivers and snoring passengers have been known to find the associated adrenaline rush the perfect cure for drowsy driving.

5. When one is tired after being awake since 4:00 a.m., even Rawlins, Wyoming looks inviting.

We camped for the night at the Best Western in Rawlins, Wyoming. While we seem to have made little progress, I would like to point out that my plans called for an initial departure of early Saturday morning. We are, therefore, ahead of schedule and ready to tackle another day of driving. Stay tuned for important updates and more nuggets of information as the journey continues...

P.S. - I really miss Julie.

Lack of Blogging Activity

Julie and I apologize for the recent lack of blogging activity. Our move, coupled with my research and the fact that I inadvertently packed the downloading cable for our camera has hampered our ability to post any pictures and accompanying stories. Rest assured, however, that as soon as we are in New York City the blogging will resume with a vengeance. Only a few more days until the cross-country trek begins!

It doesn't look that delicate!

Honestly. I can't figure out why they named it Delicate Arch. It has to be at least 100 feet tall, and the rocks look rather sturdy. If it was my decision, I would have named it something really descriptive like "Big Arch" or "Upside Down U Arch".

Anyway, I digress. Last week Daniel, Julie, and I hopped in the trusty pickup and drove to Arches National Park for a day of hiking and sightseeing. We had a grand adventure; we even lost the hiking trail for a brief time. However, Daniel volunteered to locate the correct path and, before anyone could stop him, selflessly crashed through the ecologically fragile underbrush. Ten minutes later we were back where we were supposed to be. So much for low-impact hiking! After sightseeing our fill of Arches, we drove into the backwoods of Southern Utah to Warner Lake Campground and spent the night. For those that want out-of-the-way camping I highly recommend this spot. It's in the middle of nowhere! It was absolutely beautiful, however, and well worth the $10 I spent reserving it. Although the trip was short, it was very relaxing; just the thing we all needed. There's nothing better than self-imposed isolation to recharge one's batteries. Hopefully those batteries will last through the next couple of months!

Your name is...

Lunch! At least that was what I named the unfortunate feeder mouse (Mus musculus) that Julie and I owned for approximately twenty minutes. To be sure, I realize that it was a waste of time to name an animal that was fully intended to be a meal for our pet and I acknowledge the lack of creativity in my choice of a name. However, I also felt a vague moral obligation to allow our noble mouse to be remembered for his (the girl at the pet store gave me a male since "it was going to die and the females are more important") selfless sacrifice on behalf of Leo the Ball Python's nutritional requirements. It was amazing to watch. After placing Lunch in Leo's cage, Lunch immediately began investigating his surroundings. This included Leo. It was a fatal flaw in an otherwise perfectly planned and executed operation. Leo remained still, measuring her (I don't know if Leo is a boy or a girl, but we determined our opinion in the most scientific of ways; we flipped a coin) opponent. Before Julie and I had a chance to begin placing bets on who would emerge triumphant and before Lunch knew what in the Hades had just happened, Leo struck with lightning speed and astonishing accuracy. The results were plain to see: Leo - 1 Small, cute, furry, and defenseless mouse - 0. I was once again reminded why I love pet snakes so much; it's a chance to see nature at work from the comfort of your own home! And to think, it all happened in less than thirty seconds from the time Lunch was placed in the cage. I can barely wait until it's time to feed her again; next name for the unfortunate mouse - Dinner!

P.S. - For those who don't know - about a month ago Julie and I were asked by my nephew Cody if we would be willing to take possession of Leo. Given my absolute devotion to pet snakes, I immediately said yes. I've always wanted a Ball Python and I was tickled pink to have the chance to get one for free. I would like to extend my thanks to Cody for letting me take care of his snake and to my parents who brought Leo down to us. We're having a great time together!

Edumacated!

On April 27, I donned my meager regalia and participated in that ceremony of ceremonies, the college convocation. Although I won't officially graduate until August (due to a desire to finish my history minor), I had fulfilled all of my major requirements and I was allowed to ponderously make my way across the stage and into the BYU history books. Here are some pictures to commemorate the occasion.

In the first picture, my parents and I pose for the ages. I was acutally slightly disappointed that my father was not wearing any Notre Dame memorabilia. It just wasn't the same without the somewhat good-natured rivalry.

We took the second picture in order to provide proof that my brother Daniel had indeed been on BYU campus. We were glad that he put his personal preferences aside and made the trip.

The third picture is of my beautiful wife and my amazing Ma and Pa-in-law. I was very excited that they made the trip to Provo from California, and I know Julie was glad to see them. I think I can honestly say that they are the best in-laws ever (it's true that they are the only in-laws I've ever had, but I'm a good judge of character)!

The fourth picture contains three of five BYU graduates in my immediate family. Phil and Erin were unable to make the graduation (although I expect them at my medical school graduation). I had it taken to show my Dad that he is rapidly becoming the minority in the family and to encourage him to give up the fight and join the fun!

Finally, the last picture is of me looking forward into my amazingly bright future! I want to thank my family and friends for all they have done for me over the years. I couldn't have made it without a lot of help! Thanks and have fun! - PAT

Intrepid Explorers!

It has been quite some time since Julie or I posted anything to the blog. We promise to try harder; we have some fun outings coming up, so we should have plenty of material to share in the future!

Last week, my brother Phil had his spring break. In celebration, we decided to hike the Grand Canyon, the biggest hole in the world! It was an awesome trip; I highly recommend it to everyone. We started on Thursday morning in high spirits and ended on Saturday morning, footsore yet elated at our accomplishment. Here are some pictures from our trip. Remember, however, that it's much more amazing in person!

This first picture is of Phil and me just before we began the descent of South Kaibab Trail on Thursday. As you can see, we were pretty excited and dressed for the chill that was in the air. Within a few minutes of hiking, however, we shed the cold weather gear, never to wear it again!

The second picture is the amazing view that we saw as we descended from Cedar Ridge. The entire descent was full of beautiful views like this.

The third picture is of me at the top of the Inner Gorge. The Grand Canyon is actually two canyons in one. The large canyon is the Outer Rim, which stands approximately 3,000 feet tall. The Inner Gorge is where the Colorado River cuts through the Outer Rim and is an additional 1,500 feet tall. The result is yet more breathtaking scenery.

The fourth picture is a view of the Canyon as we ascended on Saturday. This picture is looking north; in the middle of the picture is the Inner Gorge, with another canyon branching north. This canyon is Bright Angel Canyon; where it meets the Inner Gorge is Bright Angel Campground, our place of residence for two days. We were almost done with our trip at this point. We were both excited and disappointed to be leaving this beautiful area!

The final picture is of Phil and me immediately after we crested the South Rim on Saturday. We were tired, sore, and elated at our accomplishment. I've already begun planning another trip to the Grand Canyon so that Julie can enjoy the splendor...I think we'll invite as many people as possible and make it a veritable exodus! Phil has begun brainstorming our next adventure; I can only hope that it will be as epic and exciting as this trip was.